Ruined by impulse!

I have never (rarely I do some life alteringly good things) done a single, noble, unregrettable thing on impulse! The good stuff are all well pondered over and of course I gloat over it for a long time afterwards also. I have lost my temper on impulse so many times now that I am quite ashamed of myself. In general I am not a very moody, getting angry type person. I fire up for a couple of minutes and then let go..But my temper flares of late have led to dramatic consequences : slaps, throwing things at people, silly hurtful words, “shooing” away of people, silly messages that I regret 5 minutes later, high pitched yelling and of course buckets of tears! I need anger therapy..Following the wise agnostic’s teachings, am gonna get into meditative contemplation and of course the age old countdown trick.
P.S : I have gone ahead and bought this, the minute after reading about it in a blog! Hopefully I won’t regret it!

How life rushed past with me watching

If any of you kind souls out there wondered whatever happened to Dandilsa - I didn’t die..was just swamped by this tsunami of work . I as usual have “kotavittufied” several blogabble events and issues that I did consider writing about, but never found the time to do! I still have an update about the TM Krishna concert to do (somehow i always leave my notes from it at home!”). And ofcourse my raga a week update.. I did Sahana and then the plan died a sad death.. Will definitely revive it in the summer when things get quieter! …This is a mini “excuse” post ha ha..Pun completely intended! Hopefully I will revive the resolve to blog..

Lazy Tuesdays

Art wants me to write cos he is bored! So write I will! It has been a lazy lazy morning so far. Didn’t get out of bed till 10:00!!! Blame Tennis Mondays for that And then sashayed my way into lab and then went straight to the microwave with my lunch! Some general cylinder moving, plumbing, Group photographer related tasks were accomplished. And now the posterior is wonderfully rested staring at the computer screen. My reader is all cleared of unread posts. Google news has been alasified. The Hindu covered! S sends me random news from rediff. I still wonder how he manages to scavenge rediff like this. I have a poster (3 actually- when we show off we throw away all shreds of decency!) presentation at 5:00 and so have 2 random hours to kill. Will keep updating this post by typing up stuff that comes up in my head. The window remains open so u can catch a glimpse into my demented head!

3:30 pm : Ooh Turkish Delight! Then evil voice in my head clears throat as if to suggest that the 2 pieces I’ve eaten so far have already found their way to my handles! HMMPF!!!! What a coincidence it is that I’m currently reading Narnia and there is a box of turkish delight handy in the lab! So does that mean I can bring my book to lab and read while I eat ?? (that was deliberate and not a Freudian slip..You have to see me and you will believe I am a “voracious” reader :P).

3:45 pm : He he! I like doing these update thingies.. Isn’t that a cool bag?? But I have too many bags already and I usually just slip my cards in my jeans pocket anyway! But only 8$…Bag added to cart! Oh n I’m buying awesome sandals too.  I promise to declutter shoe and bag collection.

3:58 pm : Madhushree just hummed her way into In lamhon (Jodhaa akbar soundtrack for the uninitiated). This is definitely my favorite part of the song. Rahman is such a genius! I am a certified agmark Rahmaniac

4:15 pm: Is it just me or does “SRK wooes Shoaib Akthar” put funny images in the head!!!( don’t say it! I’m going to be pricked with needles in hell for being such a pervert..I know!!!) That apart, IPL promises to be exciting what with the “Icon” players and “foreign players” being roped in..

Speaking of cricket have you checked the Chennai super stars ad out?? Please search the same on youtube and enjoy. That is quintessential Madras!

4:26 pm : 2 hours is a reallllllllllllllly long time!!!

4:29 pm: Theekuruvi  from Kanngalal Kaidhi Sei on Itunes now! It has to be one of my favoritest songs! Again salute to Rahman and Harini! Oh and the fact that my name “features”  in the song isn’t the only reason I like the song. (I AM anonymous..but hoping no one will make the connection!Even otherwise I care two hoots!) It truly is a brilliant composition. A must hear!

4:35 pm : Wondering what they will have for snacks at the poster session! Again evil throat clearing voice telling me I have no redemption!

4:45 pm : Time to spruce up and leave.

P.S :I am starting to sound more and more like a personal Dear Diary blogger. This trend will have to change not cos it is a bad thing to be but because it’s not something I intended to be!

The List

I have the urge to post but no big inspiration. So posting this..

I have close to 1.5 yrs before I turn 25. Putting this down for posterity.

25 Things to do before the silver jubilee

1. Run a marathon.

2. Turn Vegan.

3. Learn Telugu.

4. Meet Rahman - Have seen the great man and even attended 2 of his concerts. So when I say meet you know what I mean.

5. Learn to swim.

6. Learn to drive.

7. Read all the books currently on my bookshelf.

8. Learn and understand Sri Rudram.

9. Visit Turkey.(I have a fascination for the place. Ever since I had to turn down an offer of a holiday there. Also has a lot to do with Pamuk and Turkish Delight )

10. Resume music lessons.

11. Watch Alarmel Valli dance live. (watched a few recorded videos but nothing like the real thing right?)

12. Beat S at tennis. (its do-able right? If Pack can, so can I! With lots of training of course.). Improve my tennis is more like it!

13. Go to Chidambaram. (Been there before. Have also crossed Chidambaram en-route to other temple towns. But I am currently inspired by all the Krithis on Thillai to visit again.)

14. Become a 50kg Taj Mahal! Well we’re talking realistic goals here. Will change it to lose enough weight to look good in short shorts .

15. Go to a sit down dinner in an LBD. (hint hint!)

16. Get involved in serious volunteer work with proper commitment. Not just Shramdaan!

17. Go Camping. (Haven’t done that since good old Girl Guides days!)

18. Get my nose pierced. (Been wanting this for a while. Some issues with the bullet biting )

19. Get a paper published as first author. (As I was re-reading the list, to come up with things to add, it scared me that I had no research related goals ) But then again this list is meant to be flippant! No?

20. Meet Vikram Seth. I heart him! (and yeah I know he’s gay. Bi actually, last time I heard. And I get the feeling this will remain on my milestone lists for a while.)

21. Watch Djokovic play live. (Easy one! Cincinnati Masters here I come! Only he should make it to the finals this time.)

22. Take up a “cool” course .

23. “Do” some adventure sport type activity. (I can’t find the right words. But you know what I mean! Para sailing, snorkeling and the likes…)

24. Get back in touch with the people I want to and have been meaning to for a while now!

25. Keep this blog running till then so I can re-post this with all the HTML striking off!

P.S : The items are in no particular order. It’s the order in which they popped up in my head.
P.S 2 : I tried to keep this list as do-able as possible. So I did away with things like see the Ankhor Wat or visit Greece which are clearly not possible with my student income and schedules. Those will be in future lists for sure though!

Wish List

Another boring day in the lab. With no deadlines looming real close and one that I slogged my ass to meet only yesterday, I think I’ve earned a day off. Sure I did the odd jobs that always pop up in the lab and of course some planning and reading. But most of this morning I just sat back and thought! It was a peaceful day for a lot of intro and retro -spection! Some cold shoulders, some very warm hugs and a lot of brickbats and bouquets have led me into wondering what it is about me that people love or hate. What is it that I like about myself and more importantly what is it that I wished for. That chain of thought led to this :

Things I wish for :

1. I wish I could just say boo to the world when I want to. I place WAY too much importance to what people think of me. I have this very bad urge to please everybody. I can’t go to sleep at night if I think someone is mad at me. Even if that someone is in the wrong or didn’t matter at all. I say and do stuff just to please people. Sometimes I wish I could be honest about what I feel and quit being the hypocrite I am!

2. I wish I could be impervious to hurt.

3. I wish my happiness didn’t depend on what others thought of me or how they treated me. Like one very wise person told me- Detachment is the key to happiness!

4. I wish I had one (atleast one) extraordinary talent! At the risk of sounding like a show off ; sure I can do a lot of things tolerably well and some very well! But 23 years into my existence and I am still looking for that one special thing I can do and that I am known for. Like musical genius , or superior talent in a sport, or artistic ability, fantastic quizzing skills or even genius level intelligence. Instead I have only reasonable potential in all of the above. I am grateful for what I have and who I am. But I am sick of being a “medium” in everything! (and for the dirty minds : tut tut! :P) Like in school when you had girls go by tags like,” the singer” or “the athlete” or the “super brainy girl”… instead I was “the overenthusiastic girl who takes part in everything!”. I am definitely happy and proud that I was that way but sometimes I think I would any day trade that for a supertalent!

5. I wish I had more patience and didn’t blow my fuse quite that often. I wish I could instead stay angry with vengeance. Actually I’m glad I don’t. But I just wish I didn’t crumble into a bundle of tears and frustration everytime I lost my temper!

6. I wish I was more motivated. My dad always termed my performance in tests or in any competitive event “satisfactory underperformance!”. I wish I didn’t accept mediocrity and pushed myself more.

7. I wish I didn’t waste so much time and push things for later. I wish I focussed more on research and worked hard at it! This includes the awful lot of time I spend reading blogs/news and other random stuff on the internet.

8. I wish I could have a daily routine of prayer, exercise and reading and stick to it!

9. I wish I didn’t have such a high opinion of myself. No. Seriously.

I have been surprisingly philosophical so far. And so on a more flippant note : I wish ..

1. I had better teeth!

2. I could lose all the unhealthy weight.

3. I could own a bookstore.

4. I could identify ragas by instinct!

5. I could tell all the people upsetting me to go to hell! (sometimes advisor included!)

6. I could magically conjure food!

7. I could speak Telugu

8. It were summer all year!

9. I always live by a beach.

And of course I wish I stay this happy all my life!

Yawn!

Howdy dear blog! My inspiration for posts seem to be sprouting from google talk status messages. The one about caucuses did and now this..Maybe thats why I started writing a blog. Because a single line in the gtalk window is not enough vent for creativity or to just tell someone (who doesn’t care in the first place ?) what is up! When I was in school in Madras I used to go back home and recount my entire day to my mom. Frankly nobody is that tolerant these days

Coming back to “yawn”…My accomplishments for the day are as follows :

1. TEM lab from 9:30-12:45 in the morning. It didn’t help that I woke up at 8:30 or that the bloody instrument was so off alignment. So that is essentially 3 hours in a dark room and a funny guy, a reticent TA and a bright green light for company!

2. Heavy chinese food for lunch at Moys = first nutritional intake of the day (altoids don’t count right?)

3. Conveniently convinced post doc and postponed an experiment to tomorrow - which meant afternoon off!

So after organizing my to do lists according to category, project and priority all of which will remain unnoticed or ignored till I am bored enough to do it again, here I am waiting for it to be decently late to get out of school (I am weird that way!I care too much about people’s impressions!) and staring at my computer screen with my reader and news pages open and…………..YAWNING!