25 not out!

Growing up, 25 used to be the “grand old age”. I thought you weren’t allowed to have fun when you are that old! But though saying the numbers is scary, turning 25 is no different than say, 21. Most of my readers , who are probably around the same age I think, will agree. I am not the kind who gets depressed about growing a year older. In fact to me a birthday is a celebration and I count down to it every single year! Though I must admit I am not as obsessed as Kindu or Abhi However, 25 is different. It means I have lived out more than a quarter of my life. I am quite glad I was more like a Sehwag getting here, than a Dravid! Yet if I sit and think about it (which I would rather do than work on a paper outline), I think I am in a very happy place in life right now and will not do things any differently. I am happy for all the careless decisions I’ve made in life that have somehow let me stumble on to where I am now.

Growing up I had no clue what I wanted to do in life. I liked science and so the 10th standard decision was made for me. I joined engineering college so I could go to college with friends instead of sitting in a boring Bio Chemistry class in Ethiraj. I have wanted to be everything from a Neuro-surgeon to a Ferrari mechanic. Yet, I didn’t write a single Medical entrace exam or even pick electrical/mechanical engineering. Chemical Engineering turned out to be quite interesting and I decided to stick with. I applied to graduate school very randomly. Coaxed Suze to write me a passionate SOP. Came to the first college that gave me an admit. Chose to do a PhD because I liked the sound of a Dr before my name.  I wanted to do “something Bio” and requested to work with a Prof, but there was a three way tie with 2 other grad students who were probably more passionate about it and so decided to work with this advisor who did Reaction Engineering which was one of my favorite subjects in undergrad. And somehow through all those baseless decisions, I stumbled on something I love doing and want to do for the rest of my life! Of course I exaggerate and made it sound a lot more frivolous that it actually was, but for the most part I went with the tide with no real oar! Things like this make me believe that the old man up there really does have grand designs for each of us!

I have been lucky with friendship all along and have made some good friends at every point in life. I am still in touch (well at least know what he is up to!) with my first friend ever from UKG days. A lot of my good friends from school have stayed with me. I have had the same best friend for 14 years now. I have made some very close friendships in grad school. Yet, when I think back, there is something magical about friends you meet at 17. Though we may not stay in touch as much as I would like, though these days it has come down to just an occasional “Hi” on Gtalk or Facebook, the nostalgia of the time together, the memories of the reckless days, the impassioned speeches of being together forever and the shared history of heartbreaks, falling in love and growing up angst, romanticize that period of my life for me and I will happily go back to being that 20 year old me having the time of her life!

I used to make fun of my dad and his siblings for their nostalgia trips and vetti arattai about the “maarichans and aravattais” of Gopalapuram. But all that has come back to bite me now. I have come to realize that I am as much a sucker for nostalgia and as clannish as my dad. Family is everything to me.  I would any day choose to be the little girl in the crumbling old house with the swing, mitham and red-oxide floors! I have always wanted to be just like my father. My political opinions, religious views, choice of sporting heroes and most of my opinions have always been influenced and prejudiced my father’s views.  But growing up and especially staying away from home has showed me that Appa isn’t always right. I don’t agree with my Dad on everything now. I have grown to appreciate not only how much I am like my dad, but also how much I am my mom’s child.

My confidence has grown tremendously after moving to the US.  I am no longer the shy, self conscious girl who is too scared to voice her opinion. Fewer body image issues now. A better sense of accomplishment than ever before. My advisor still points out that I sound too defensive and submissive. Imagine if she’d met me 5 years back! This blog has also helped me give voice to my opinions.

As I said, I am in a content place in my life. I am clearer about my future than I have ever been. I am happy for all the memories, the people and the music in my life! This year I am asking for more patience, a little luck who am I kidding, lots of luck with my research and graduating, a trip to India this year, and while we are at it, maybe this also? I told you, I am very content !