For Sama Thatha

Today is my grandfather’s 10th death anniversary. The day he died was the saddest day of my life. And I still carry the guilt for not having spoken to him properly few weeks before he died feigning homework when he called home. I still the carry the anger that my mother never took me to see him in the hospital when he was sick! But today is the day for happy memories.

Memories of the man who thought his grandchildren were the center of his life! Of the man who used to walk all the way to Gopalpuram from Mandaveli to meet his daughter and grandaughter. Of the man who would take an auto home, despite his strong middle class values against it, because the spoilt brat of a granddaughter refused to get into a bus! I have heard of his quick temper from my mom and even seen him get mad at my paati. But never once has he ever raised his voice against me or any of my cousins. I was the first grandchild on my maternal side. I was the adored child who could do no wrong. Thatha used to take pride in every little prize I won and every small achievement of mine. He used to come all the way to Egmore Sanskrit School just to see me and Bgav win top honors in the annual Bhagavath Gita competition, always with a Cadbury’s bar for each of us; no matter the end result we’ll always have a gift from him!  The happiness he derived from our night stays in the house was so evident on his face. Today I think of his yearly diaries where he made entries of every visit and also the incurred expenses I have the diary entry marking my birth with me and it is one of my cherished possesions. This post is for the man who bought me my first set of books and also gave my mom money every year to get me a book at the annual book fair. For the man who showered love on his grandchildren.  I remember the identical bags,raincoats and activity books he got B and me when we were living in Mandaveli for 3 months when amma and perimma were pregnant with the younger ones at the same time. He was one of the most proactive and helpful people I know. He has touched several lives with his kindness. Even after two fatal strokes and being nearly paralysed on a side, his will to be active and his determination to never miss a single event in our lives was touching! I am sure he would be proud of us today. Proud of the i-banker B ,and me and ofcourse the 3 A’s! Even if we weren’t doing anything special he would always be proud of us, for in his eyes we could do no wrong! I sometimes pity the three A’s as they didn’t get enough time with him. Because basking in his unconditional love is the single greatest thing I cherish. He is one of my heroes and someday I hope to be as principled as him. I see him in all of us. B, R mama and Aks all have a striking resemblence to him and Madi has her left hand habit..We are all living his dreams..Thanks Thatha for all the love! I miss you!

M is for Miscellaneous

Inspired by Aparna, I am going to get this blog back up from slumber mode, and try to post more regularly! The past weekend was simply amazing and I won’t say more than that my friends rock and that we all defy the space-time continuum. I am going through a very interesting phase in my research, where the deadlines keep hitting me like the waves on the rocky Mangalore shore in “Uyire”.  But I guess busy is good.

I am going to revive the Carnatic music series. As an experimentalist, I like random distribution, and so am going to decide on my letter of the day by randomly jabbing at my keyboard! Today’s letter turned out to be “M” and hence the title. M is for :

mAyammA : I have said everything I can about Mayamma and Ahiri in this blog before. This is one of my favoritest songs ever!

mOkshamu galada : Thyagaraja ’s anguish, in MDR’s beseeching voice – this song is a tear jerker for me. The recording I have of it, is so evocative and MDR creates a truly gut wrenching effect. sAramati in all its glory. I wonder why Illayaraja had to retune mari mari ninne for his sAramti in the movie Sindhubhairavi. But then again, I am glad Suhaasini didn’t get a chance to criticize this masterpiece with her Padariyen!

meenAkshi memudam dehi : Dikshithar’s special krithi in gamakakriyA/ purvikalyAni. On any other day, this would have been number one on my list. But I heard MDR’S mokshamu last night, and am still haunted by it. purvikalyani is one of my favorite ragas. It has such an eerie and surreal feel to it. meenAkshi is especially special, as Dikshithar chose this as the composition he wanted to listen to as he attained samAdhi.  My favorite rendition is an hour and 17 min long rendition of TMK that I have, with the song in all it’s chauka kala glory, complete with a alapana, neraval and swarAs  at meenalochani pAsamochani. This is a good sample of it.

mAyE tvam – This is such a delightful song where Dikshithar shows great playfullness with the lyrics and the raga itself is charming! I heard a rendition of TMK’s where he sings it the way it is notated in the SSP, but  I found that version more spooky. I like the MSS’ rendition best.

mAthey – Harikesanallur Muthiah Bhagavathar’s dAru varnam in a lilting Khamas that makes a double left footed me want to spring into dance! Favorite rendition again is a Krishna version I have, but the Morning Raga version is pretty good too.

M is really a gold mine. I have several other songs that I like a lot including manavyalakin, mAkElarA, mA janaki, muralidharA gOpAlA and so many more that I am probably not thinking of right now. The favorite M is raga is definitely mAnji filled with all the pathos, closely followed by mAnd and malahari. I will leave you with varugalAmo and an ARR mAnd (pathetic video though!) which is dedicated to Uths!

P.S : Thumbs up to The Hindu! http://beta.thehindu.com/arts/music/article42675.ece

Janaro Ee Mohamu Sahimpahalene

Surfacing for a short breather.  How have you all been? I feel like I am running on rollerblades and I don’t know how to break and I think this is how it is going to be till the finish (I think the header image is rather apt). Of course, it is also Shramdaan season which has meant that several Saturdays have been spent very profitably at the stadium We seem to have completely skipped Fall here, in my part of the world. Brrr and stress don’t get along well at all. Ofcourse if I spent enough time at home, I could make use of the lovely sauna my realtor has arranged for me. The thermostat read 85 yesterday when I had set it to 70. Dry heat is not warmth.  I moved up one floor this past month. If you are thinking it would have been an easy one, I will make you climb the same set of stairs 57 times with a laundary basket load of stuff and ask you what you think after that!

Research and writing has been good for my music though. Long hours at the lab means getting to listen to MDR’s legendary Giripai recording for 45 mins in  uninterrupted Sahana bliss. I wonder if I can listen to anybody else sing Sahana anymore.  Thanks my benefactor J, I also got hold of tons of Brinda Muktha recordings . Listening to them sing Payyada is so heart-wrenchingly beautiful..such goosepimple inducing music! Semmangudi’s Airport concert is another favorite listen. I still chuckle everytime he says “Vandutaan asuran!”.  I had to forego a TV Sankarnarayanan concert due to a deadline. But am really looking forward to an upcoming lecture and concert of Ravikiran in 2 weeks!

I am dreadfully behind in my Orbis Terrarum updates. Have a couple of books I have to write about. I am currently reading the English translation of Salma’s Tamil novel, and it is a lovely read so far. My mother didn’t like it as much and I wonder if her religious prejudice affected her response. She denies it and says she only didn’t like the way it ended. Will let you know how I feel soon. Also, I have been writing a story in my head. Will sit down and type it out soon as I get a chance! Till then,  tata!

P.S : The title is opening lines of my favorite Javali and reflects my current state of mind wonderfully. I feel like just running away from it all but dandilsa is not a quitter and I love my research as mush as I hate doing it

p.p.s : The link I have for the song is definitely not my favorite version. Krishna as usual pours his soul into it, but the mridangam player ruins it with his noisy playing. My favorite version is when Arun Prakash accompanies with his subtle touches and the way he ends on the samam for each line.

Kuru kuru kangalile

Can’t stop listening to it!  Extermely catchy tune..ARR sounds delicious!

The Vijay Prakash jigsaw

I love the first few weeks after a new Rahman release. Listening to the songs continuously on loop, internalizing and picking new favorites everyday..it is such an exciting time! Fiqrana was the track that caught my attention last, but it is totally love forever till we part types now..I love the male vocals..brilliant!!! The second time I listened to the song, the voice rang a bell, neurons connected and I thought it sounded like the guy who sang Manmohini from Yuvraj; sure enough on checking it turned out to be Vijay Prakash. I have this obsession about identifying the singers in songs, my cousin Utts will corroborate that with much frustration! Anyway, once I figured that out, I remembered  that Vijya Prakash’s name was on the credit list for Jai Ho also. Now this is a guy who has sung three songs in a row for Rahman..I obviously HAD to put a face to the name. Promptly googled him and what followed was a truly awesome eureka moment! I have actually heard this guy at 3 different points in time and loved his voice each time. But somehow never made the simple linear connection..

Flashback 1- Ten years back, Sa Re Ga Ma 1999 finals..This favorite contestant who actually sang a Lalgudi Thillana in Sa Re Ga Ma!

Flashback 2- Year 2003- Anbe Sivam – Poo Vasam and the goose-pimply male vocals..Again Vijay Prakash..I remember wanting to find out who he was..But I hadn’t joined the Cult of the Google-swamy yet and I doubt I would have found my answer as easily as I can now!

Flashback 3 – 2008 -The torrent of Bhimplas in Manmohini Morey. I was hooked to it from the word go!

Three wonderful  musical experiences. And one awesome moment when the pieces came together and fell in place into the wonderful soundscape that is Vijay Prakash’s voice!

Tamil songs that I love, with videos that make me cringe -1

Following Ra’s cue

The audio is horrible in the video but it’s the only version I could find. Listen to it here. The album itself is one of Rahman’s finest IMO!

25 not out!

Growing up, 25 used to be the “grand old age”. I thought you weren’t allowed to have fun when you are that old! But though saying the numbers is scary, turning 25 is no different than say, 21. Most of my readers , who are probably around the same age I think, will agree. I am not the kind who gets depressed about growing a year older. In fact to me a birthday is a celebration and I count down to it every single year! Though I must admit I am not as obsessed as Kindu or Abhi However, 25 is different. It means I have lived out more than a quarter of my life. I am quite glad I was more like a Sehwag getting here, than a Dravid! Yet if I sit and think about it (which I would rather do than work on a paper outline), I think I am in a very happy place in life right now and will not do things any differently. I am happy for all the careless decisions I’ve made in life that have somehow let me stumble on to where I am now.

Growing up I had no clue what I wanted to do in life. I liked science and so the 10th standard decision was made for me. I joined engineering college so I could go to college with friends instead of sitting in a boring Bio Chemistry class in Ethiraj. I have wanted to be everything from a Neuro-surgeon to a Ferrari mechanic. Yet, I didn’t write a single Medical entrace exam or even pick electrical/mechanical engineering. Chemical Engineering turned out to be quite interesting and I decided to stick with. I applied to graduate school very randomly. Coaxed Suze to write me a passionate SOP. Came to the first college that gave me an admit. Chose to do a PhD because I liked the sound of a Dr before my name.  I wanted to do “something Bio” and requested to work with a Prof, but there was a three way tie with 2 other grad students who were probably more passionate about it and so decided to work with this advisor who did Reaction Engineering which was one of my favorite subjects in undergrad. And somehow through all those baseless decisions, I stumbled on something I love doing and want to do for the rest of my life! Of course I exaggerate and made it sound a lot more frivolous that it actually was, but for the most part I went with the tide with no real oar! Things like this make me believe that the old man up there really does have grand designs for each of us!

I have been lucky with friendship all along and have made some good friends at every point in life. I am still in touch (well at least know what he is up to!) with my first friend ever from UKG days. A lot of my good friends from school have stayed with me. I have had the same best friend for 14 years now. I have made some very close friendships in grad school. Yet, when I think back, there is something magical about friends you meet at 17. Though we may not stay in touch as much as I would like, though these days it has come down to just an occasional “Hi” on Gtalk or Facebook, the nostalgia of the time together, the memories of the reckless days, the impassioned speeches of being together forever and the shared history of heartbreaks, falling in love and growing up angst, romanticize that period of my life for me and I will happily go back to being that 20 year old me having the time of her life!

I used to make fun of my dad and his siblings for their nostalgia trips and vetti arattai about the “maarichans and aravattais” of Gopalapuram. But all that has come back to bite me now. I have come to realize that I am as much a sucker for nostalgia and as clannish as my dad. Family is everything to me.  I would any day choose to be the little girl in the crumbling old house with the swing, mitham and red-oxide floors! I have always wanted to be just like my father. My political opinions, religious views, choice of sporting heroes and most of my opinions have always been influenced and prejudiced my father’s views.  But growing up and especially staying away from home has showed me that Appa isn’t always right. I don’t agree with my Dad on everything now. I have grown to appreciate not only how much I am like my dad, but also how much I am my mom’s child.

My confidence has grown tremendously after moving to the US.  I am no longer the shy, self conscious girl who is too scared to voice her opinion. Fewer body image issues now. A better sense of accomplishment than ever before. My advisor still points out that I sound too defensive and submissive. Imagine if she’d met me 5 years back! This blog has also helped me give voice to my opinions.

As I said, I am in a content place in my life. I am clearer about my future than I have ever been. I am happy for all the memories, the people and the music in my life! This year I am asking for more patience, a little luck who am I kidding, lots of luck with my research and graduating, a trip to India this year, and while we are at it, maybe this also? I told you, I am very content !

Orbis Terrarum book reviews

This is long overdue. I haven’t been posting comments on books I have read as a part of the challenge.  I’m gonna do 4 at one go now.

2. The Book Thief-Markus Zusak

This is my entry for Germany. Markus Zusak has really been my find of the year. Set in Nazi Germany, this book tells the story of a young girl and her discovery of reading and books as a means of escape from the terror and sorrow around her.The grim reaper or death who is a reluctant soul collector serves as the narrator. Surprisingly death as the narrator is quite endearing, particularly when he calls war a ” new boss who expects the impossible”. The recurrent theme in the book is the power of words in bringing people together, be it the speeches of Hitler or the stories that the girls reads in the books she steals or those that Max writes for her. Markus Zusak has a fantastic way with words, and a wry dark humor that is an undercurrent throughout the book. This is definitely one of the best books I have read recently.  (5 stars)

3. I am the Messenger – Markus Zusak

A coming of age story set in Australia. It is the story of Ed Kennedy and his group of friends and how a series of missions helps him find his purpose in life. It is really a book meant for young adults and deals with a group of slackers shocked out of their resigned useless existences by a dramatic change in events. It deals with the strength of friendships, questions if you actually know your friends for what they are, and in the end shows that a good heart and determination are all it takes to handle any problem life throws at you. While the story is typical Bollywood formula, it is really Zusak’s magic with the narration that made the book shine for me. (4 stars)

4. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – Stieg Larsson (Part of the Millennium series)

This book came with strong recommendations from Kindu and my mom. I think the book lived up to my expectations. Set in cold and bleak Scandinavia,the book is a little slow in picking pace and the narrative did tend to drag a little in places. However towards the 300 page mark, the book picks up speed dramatically, and is quite un-putdown-able  from then on. It reminded me of  Arthur Hailey novels and I realized how much I missed reading this genre of writing. It is basically a crime novel investigating the disappearance of a young girl from the Vanger family, one of the industrial tycoons in the country. The family’s patriarch invites financial journalist, Mikael Blomkvist to re-open the case and investigate it . The book takes dark turns as Blomkvist proceeds with the investigations. It deals with the very disturbing issue of sexual abuse of women and the statistics preceding the sections of the book are quite disturbing. Lisbeth Salander is one of the most unconventional yet fascinating heroines ever and the book unfurls her character brilliantly. I am really looking forward to the second one in the series. This is my entry for Sweden. (4.5 stars)

5. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society – Mary Ann Shaffer

I was browsing in this bookstore, when a fellow shopper stopped and pointed this book out to me, strongly recommending it! It was an enchanting book; delightful, witty, funny, sensitive and gripping all at the same time. I read this book in one sitting, and was transported to Guernsey in that short period. The narration is simple and clever and you can’t help but fall in love with Juliet, the protagonist. It is really a light-hearted book that manages to bring out the heavy realities of World War II with great sensitivity. It is Daddy Long legs meets Jane Austen in a charming and engrossing way! This is my entry for Guernsey, Channel Islands. (5 stars)

Summer woes

Do you remember? Summer meant waking up to the strains of  the amma song on Raj TV and gulping down kanji, before dOlA yAm began so that Sridhar sir didn’t make us run the extra laps around the court.Do you remember Kindu? It meant coming back from basketball coaching, and settling our butts on the blue wire chair and not getting up at all because our thighs felt like stone. Drinking grape juice and rose milk on the sly so Uths wouldn’t see us and ask for it.

It meant Krishna club annual days and practice sessions.It meant afternoon pictionary sessions and tense “all play” moments. It meant impromptu beach trips with the kids from the street and pineapple with uppu and kara podi. It was the time of Fevicryl classes in decrepit buildings . Summer was for multiple trips to Eashwari library and sitting with a book and Bournvita powder in a kinnam pretending that it was the exotic stuff the kids in the book ate. Do you remember ma? It meant graduating from the Katy books or Hardy Boys of last year and being given your first Arthur Hailey; a coming of age ritual. Playing in the street and hide and seek till late into the night and only serious threats from you and perima forcing us back in. Guzzling on coke and Mango milkshake everyday. The showers in the evening in cold water, and the second shower with Nycil powder. Do you remember Uths? The elaborate peetha vilayattu sessions with our appa’s veshtis wrapped as saris around us, and sitting in front of the mirror pretending that we were the most brilliant scientist/ bharatanatyam dancer of the century, being interviewed by Simi Garewal.

Do you remember B’gav? Summer meant sleepovers in Mandaveli and being treated like royalty by the grandparents. Do you remember D? It meant German classes and stealing dry-erase markers from Max Mueller Bhavan.Scrambling to get all the book reviews and diary entries for the entire summer done for Rani Ma’am. Soon it was time to go shopping in Luz for new bags, lunch bags, water bottles and Bata shoes and promising to make this one last. Trips to Gnad or the tailor with the shaky hands on Gaudiya Mutt road for the new starchy smelling uniforms. The thrill of new books, and brown paper wraps. Clean unwritten notebooks waiting for homework to be scribbled on, and Bulls and Cows and Hangman games in the back pages. Summer was a time of gay abandon and unregimented fun. Why did it have to stop being all that and be a time when “you should get a lot of work done because it is quieter in Campus!”Bah! Did I ever tell you? I hate growing up!

Nalinakanthi in the rain

Sambar sadam with fried applam, a lovely unda mayakkam, rain on my windows, under the comforter with a book, and Sanjay’s sweet nalinakAnthi swara torrents in the background..there is something magical about moments like this making you wish it would last forever!